


A Boy's Desiderium

by astromirage



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Cute Yamaguchi Tadashi, Dorks in Love, Emotional Heavy Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, I'm basing Kei's enby experience on mine, I've been watching The Good Place and it's got me angsty, Kei wears nail polish and skirts, Lemony Snicket Quotes, Non-Binary Author, Non-Binary Kei Tsukishima, Non-Binary Kei Tsukishima Supremacy, Other, Quotes from The Half of It (2020), Second Year Tsukishima Kei, Second Year Yamaguchi Tadashi, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, They/Them Pronouns for Kei Tsukishima, This is unimportant to the fic but still worth noting, Tsukishima Kei in Love, Tsukishima Kei is a Good Significant Other, nblm/mlm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 02:47:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28646262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astromirage/pseuds/astromirage
Summary: "...I will love you as we find ourselves farther and farther from one another, where we once were so close that we could slip the curved straw, and the long, slender spoon, between our lips and fingers respectively.I will love you until the chances of us running into one another slip from slim to zero, and until your face is fogged by distant memory, and your memory faced by distant fog, and your fog memorized by a distant face, and your distance distanced by the memorized memory of a foggy fog. I will love you no matter where you go and who you see, no matter where you avoid and who you don’t see, and no matter who sees you avoiding where you go. I will love you no matter what happens to you, and no matter how I discover what happens to you, and no matter what happens to me as I discover this, and no matter how I am discovered after what happens to me as I am discovering this.” - Lemony Snicket
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Kudos: 11





	A Boy's Desiderium

**Author's Note:**

> yo this literally slaps. i worked really hard on this so i hope you enjoy.

_“The ancient Greeks believed humans once had four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces. We were happy. Complete. So complete that the gods, fearing our wholeness would quell our need for worship, cleaved us in two, leaving our split selves to wander the Earth in misery. Forever longing. Longing. Longing, for the other half of our soul. It is said that when one half finds its other, there’s an unspoken understanding. A unity. And each would know no greater joy than this. Of course, the ancient Greeks never went to high school. Or they’d realize, we don’t need the gods to mess things up for us.”_

Kei looks up from their phone as Tadashi walks up to them in the winter snow. The freckled boy offers his hand and Kei smiles as they see the soulmate marking on Tadashi’s wrist indicating that their souls are bound together for eternity. The marking is a simple blue moon on the inside of his wrist. Tadashi also looks at the mark, a simple mountain side on Kei’s neck. 

Kei takes his hand gratefully, gripping it tight and they lay a gentle kiss on his knuckles. Tadashi blushes at this and rubs Kei’s hand in return. 

“That skirt and tights combo is very cute Kei.” Tadashi compliments, admiring his significant other’s fashion sense. 

Kei blushes and snuggles into their jacket in embarrassment. “Thank you.”

The freckled boy tilts his head as he takes in all of Kei’s etherealness. “You ready?” Tadashi asks, finally snapping from his staring. 

“Absolutely, let’s go.” they smile, placing a small kiss on Tadashi’s cheek. 

Tadashi tightens his grip on Kei’s hand and pulls them closer. Kei wraps their arm around their boyfriend and Yamaguchi does the same. Their shared warmth makes Kei feel like they’re home, like they’re holding a hot cup of tea and wrapped in a soft blanket, under a kotatsu, with Tadashi cuddled close to them. 

Tadashi stops in front of a bookstore and quickly drags Kei into the store and inhales deeply. 

“It smells homey doesn’t it Tsukki?” He asks, looking at his significant other. 

Kei smiles and nods “Yea, I like it.”

Tadashi smiles and pulls them to the notebooks. He scans over them and picks up a black journal with gold moons and stars all over it. 

“This is for you.” Tadashi smiles and looks around for something specific. 

“Oh, thank you,” Kei smiles as they watch Tadashi’s eyes scan the store. 

“Oh! There it is!” he says excitedly, tugging Kei to the small table of novelty items. 

He picks up a stuffed green frog and faces it towards Kei. “This too.” 

Kei sighs and nods, letting themselves be dragged to the checkout where their boyfriend pays for the items. He then shoves it in his satchel and pulls Kei out of the shop. 

“Do I get my presents?” They ask, looking over to Tadashi. 

“Nah, I want to get you home first, then I’ll hand them over.”

“But-”

“No buts my lovely Kei, just have patience.” 

Kei rolls their eyes and sighs, “Let’s just go get lunch, yea?”

Tadashi nods and sets a kiss on Kei’s forehead. The two walk in the winter snow, the ice crunching under their boots and warmth being shared by clinging to one another. Eventually they arrive at a sushi restaurant and Kei gets them a table right by the conveyor belt. 

“Get as much as you want, both my mom and Akiteru gave me money.” Kei says, a gentle smile gracing their lips. 

“I have money too, you know Kei.” 

“Keep it, save it for something. I have more than enough to cover anything.” 

“Fine, only because you’re insisting, Tsukki.”

Kei blushes, not having heard that name in a while. 

They get their sushi and take their time eating, enjoying the presence of each other. When they finish, Tsukishima pays for the meal and feels Tadashi’s hand squeeze theirs tightly. 

“You ready to go home?” Kei asks, trying to smile their biggest smile. 

“No, not yet,” Tadashi replies, “I want to get dessert, and then go to a park and we can eat the dessert there.”

“Oh-kay,” Kei says awkwardly, “Where do you wanna go?”

“Anywhere, I just want to get you some strawberry shortcake.” 

“I would like that.” 

They quickly find a small bakery and Tadashi drops a pretty penny on a nice looking strawberry shortcake. 

“Do you know a park around here?” Kei asks, eyeing that beautiful box of cake. 

“I do!” He smiles brightly and tugs Tsukishima all the way to the quaint little park Tadashi was thinking of. 

He then drags them over to a canopied section of tables. He plops the cake on the table and sits down, opening it as Kei sits down across from their boyfriend. He hands them a fork and presents the cake. 

“Thank you Tadashi.” Kei smiles and scoops up a heaping forkful of the cake. 

They moan in absolute delight, the expensive cake was detectable and the strawberries in between the two layers of cake were perfectly ripe and moist. 

“It’s good?” He asks, giggling, watching his significant other shovel cake into their mouth. 

“Mhmm.” Kei nods, sighing as they set down the fork, setting their head into their hands. 

Tadashi leans forward, swipes a glob of whipped cream from Kei’s nose and licks it off his finger. “You’re being messy.” 

“Oh well.” Kei says dreamily, tilting forward and capturing Tadashi in a kiss, it’s soft and appreciating and full of warm, fiery love. 

“Woah.” Tadashi says stunned from that very satisfying and otherworldly kiss. 

They settle into a quiet, comfortable silence. 

“I don’t want this day to end.” Tadashi breaks the silence and grabs Kei’s hand tightly, meeting their eyes. 

“I know,” Kei gets up to sit beside Yamaguchi and lays their head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault.” 

“I know.” they pause and cuddle closer to Tadashi. “But I’m still, so sorry.” 

“It’s fine, Kei.” 

“No it’s not, and that’s okay.” they say, kissing Tadashi’s shoulder. 

“Let’s just get you home.” He sighs, packing up the cake and standing up. 

Kei feels their heart shatter, and they let go of Tadashi’s hand, burying their face in their hands, letting tears fall from their eyes. 

“Oh, oh, Kei. Come here.” Tadashi hugs them close to his chest as they cry softly. 

He lets them, he sits there, holding them close. Kei’s sobs dry into sniffles and they push up from Tadashi’s chest. “Can we go home?” 

“Yea, we can.” 

The two walk to Kei’s home and Kei looks up to their room. 

“I have to finish some things up, just chill out on the couch.” 

Tadashi nods and sits on the couch as Kei rushes up to their room. Tadashi withdraws the notebook from his bag and begins quickly writing something down on the first page. He finishes up in around 15 minutes and looks up at Kei’s bedroom door. 

He waits until Kei and their mom come down stairs holding plenty of boxes. He immediately stands up to help and takes the boxes from Kei’s arms and takes them out to the car. 

“We’re ready to go Kei.” Their mom says softly, almost like she was scared to say it. 

“Can you give me a few, please?” They say, voice shaky and their world so close to collapsing. 

Their mom nods and gets into the car, actively not looking at the two teenagers. 

“I’m going to miss you so much.” Kei says softly, looking up at their boyfriend, eye brimming with tears. 

“I am too, it won’t be the same without you, nothing will be.” 

“I’m sorry.” Kei breaks down once again, burying themselves into Tadashi’s chest and sobbing.

“Don’t be sorry, it’s not your fault.” 

Kei nods and squeezes Yamaguchi closer. “We’re soulmates babe,” Tadashi says, kissing their head. “We’re bound to each other forever and ever. We’re each other's half of a whole, each other's one and only.”

“Yea,” Kei stands back up, finally, and sets their hands on his waist. “We are.” 

“So don’t even worry about the distance, I’ll call you everyday. I will send presents for every special day, every anniversary, every holiday.” He says, caressing Kei’s face with both hands gently. 

“I’ll do the same, I promise, I promise.” 

“I wasn’t worried about that Kei.” Tadashi chuckles sadly. 

“You are so special to me, you were the first one I came out to, and the first person that accepted me, you’re my first, and only love. I love you, so fucking much.”

Tadashi stares dreamily into Kei’s dripping eyes. He kisses them, it's oddly wet and overwhelmingly sad. Kei draws back and holds Tadashi’s wrist up and kisses the soulmark etched into his skin. Tadashi places a butterfly soft kiss on Kei’s soulmark on their neck. 

“I just don’t want you to go. I don’t want you to leave me.” Tadashi states, trying not to fall apart.

“I don’t want to leave you either. You know that.” 

“I do. I do know that. But that doesn’t change much.” He laughs lightly, trying to alleviate the pain in his heart. 

“God fucking damnit, god I just want to stay with you.” They say, just so tired of these roundabout emotions that just keep going in a circle in a violent whirlwind in their mind. 

“I know, me too,” Tadashi sighs and removes the frog plushie and notebook. “Now, leave before I make you stay.” He says, giving Kei one last fleeting kiss. 

“I love you. Bye.” They say, setting a soft kiss on his forehead. 

“Bye Kei, love you too.” Tadashi wraps his arms around himself as his significant other walks away from him. 

Kei quickly gets into their car and buckles up, setting Tadashi’s gifts on their lap. They look out their window and lock eyes with Tadashi, tears falling from their eyes as they drive away from their childhood home and childhood best friend. 

It isn’t until 2 hours into their 5 hour drive that Kei opens up the journal to flip through the pages. They stop on a page that had Tadashi’s beautiful writing scrawled all over it. 

It reads; 

_“Hi Kei, I hope you read this whenever you get sad and start missing me and Karasuno. I love you so much and with my whole life force. The universe made sure that we would be together forever, and I can’t thank the universe enough for that._

_You are one of the best people in the world, but I might be a bit biased when I say that. And I think that’s okay. You are so unbelievably loveable and you love me so much and I love that. I’m using love a lot, but it's whatever, I love you a lot. I don’t know what to say honestly, when you told me you were going to be moving 5 hours away, I sobbed. I will still probably sob weekly about this. But, we’re connected through the cosmos, the stars and the marks we wear. So, in the end, it's like we’re really never apart. I don’t want to keep rambling, because I probably talked your ear off before you left. So I’ll leave you with a quote from an American author I like a lot. I love you Kei, more than I love anything in the world, and ever will love. You are perfect. (also this quote is long but bear with me yea? love you)_

_I will love you until the bird hates a nest and the worm hates an apple, and until the apple hates a tree and the tree hates a nest, and until a bird hates a tree and an apple hates a nest, although honestly I cannot imagine that last occurrence no matter how hard I try. I will love you as we grow older, which has just happened, and has happened again, and happened several days ago, continuously, and then several years before that, and will continue to happen as the spinning hands of every clock and the flipping pages of every calendar mark the passage of time, except for the clocks that people have forgotten to wind and the calendars that people have forgotten to place in a highly visible area. I will love you as we find ourselves farther and farther from one another, where we once we were so close that we could slip the curved straw, and the long, slender spoon, between our lips and fingers respectively._  
_I will love you until the chances of us running into one another slip from slim to zero, and until your face is fogged by distant memory, and your memory faced by distant fog, and your fog memorized by a distant face, and your distance distanced by the memorized memory of a foggy fog. I will love you no matter where you go and who you see, no matter where you avoid and who you don’t see, and no matter who sees you avoiding where you go. I will love you no matter what happens to you, and no matter how I discover what happens to you, and no matter what happens to me as I discover this, and now matter how I am discovered after what happens to me as I am discovering this.” - Daniel Handler ‘Lemony Snicket’_

Kei feels a sob come out of their mouth and they tuck their knees into their chest and they hold the frog close. 

~~~

Tadashi walks into the volleyball locker room and heads straight for his locker. It just didn’t feel right. 

“Hey, Yamaguchi?” he hears a voice call out for him. 

He turns to see the entire team looking at him with varying degrees of worry and remorse. 

“Yea?”

“Are you okay?” Hinata asks lightly. 

“I will be, Tsukki and I are going to be fine, I’m sure that they’re going to miss you guys a lot. They were just starting to warm up to the new first years.” 

“Can you let them know that we’ll try to call them as often as we can?” Hinata asks, looking up to the pinch server. 

“I can, yes.” He laughs and smiles. 

“Awesome! Thank you!” He shouts and jumps high. 

“Do you think they’ll visit?” Nishinoya asks, basically buzzing with anticipation. 

“I hope they will, they live like five hours away now, so it’ll be hard for them to get over here. But I can hope.” Tadashi replies, although glad to be able to answer these questions, he just kinda wished Kei was with him. 

Karasuno, the club, the walk home, the place they ate lunch, it was all wrong. But, he took solace in the fact Kei looked at the same stars and moon and sky that he did. 

They had that unspoken unity, that connection forged by the universe, and nothing, no quantity of distance, force, or person, could sever that.


End file.
